In New Interview, Billy Corgan Talks Politics

As Smashing Pumpkins’ frontman Billy Corgan prepared for the band’s reunion tour, he remained predictably logical and mild-mannered in a new interview with the The New York Times. Corgan discussed topics ranging from gun control to abortion, but seemed particularly keen on expressing his opinions on one topic: the discrimination he perceives against bald people, or, as he calls them, “the shining few.”

“She was always fuckin’ jealous of the shape of my head,” Corgan said, when prompted with a question about his feud with former Pumpkins bassist D’Arcy Wretzky. “She had to cover her horrendous, lumpy skull up with that terrible mane, but I could let my natural beauty show. That’s why she wasn’t invited on the reunion tour.” Many fans were disappointed by the announcement of the new tour after learning that the full original lineup would not be performing, but Corgan remains confident in the bands ability to find success years after their commercial peak. “I’ve been making music just as good, if not better than those big hits,” Corgan contends, “but baldness just isn’t ‘in’ anymore. Back then the shining few were accepted, celebrated even. But now I can’t even get up on stage without hearing cheers of ‘grow some hair’ from the goddamn crowd. It’s like there’s a KKK against bald people.” 

Notably, Corgan identified himself in the interview as aligning with a burgeoning branch of the libertarian party, known as the libaldtarians. The party’s official slogan, which would later be quoted in a 26 minute recording by Corgan, is as follows: “The freer the market, the freer the people. The balder the people, uhh.. also the freer the people? I guess? Edit that before you send it out in the press release, obviously.” The recording, titled “Me, Billy Corgan, Jacking off into a Microphone for 25 Minutes and then Chanting at the End,” received a score of 7.8 on Porkspork.

When asked about his relationship with ex-wife Chris Fabian, Corgan again derailed the topic to baldness, stating that bald people are “the most discriminated against group in the world,” and that he and Fabian’s relationship ended when he refused to wear a wig. “When was the last time you saw somebody bald on TV,” pondered Corgan in the final moments of the interview. “Who do we have? Fuckin’ Howie Mandell? Dr. Phil? Who cares? If our next president has a full head of hair, I will genuinely live every day of my life in fear.” 

Read more on Billy Corgan in the Porkspork special Top 10 Irrelevant Old White Guys. 

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