Record Numbers of Men Make Sure to Note that the Lyrics to “Baby It’s Cold Outside” aren’t Woke

By Clancy Gates

As this year’s holiday season approaches, men across the country are realizing that aggressively manipulating a woman into sharing a drink with them is not the best strategy for getting laid. 

Naturally, swarms of men have decided the best thing to do about a culture that perpetuates violence against women is to complain about the lyrics to a Christmas song.

One such man, John Henderson, was excited to tell Porkspork how he helped teach his girlfriend about the song’s hidden ugliness. “The song came on in the store the other day,” he says, “and I was like baby, did you know these lyrics are creepy? She just rolled her eyes at me, but it’s always super cool to educate women.”

Henderson’s brave new sentiment is one that’s shared by even the industry’s biggest stars. John Legend and Kelly Clarkson have recently released an “updated” version of the classic, with great new lyrics like “your body, your choice,” and “text me when you get home.”

Although some naysayers have been quick to complain about the “new” song, most men are happy to see their hard work has paid off. 

“It’s just nice to see my pain and hard work has paid off,” Henderson told us. “I feel like I’m really making the world a better place for women.”

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